Hi,
I am an experienced editor with ten years experience in the literary industry, as agent, manuscript reader, etc. Here's a sample from a review:
There are plenty of positives in this fun, fast-paced, entertaining adventure. The story trades on a “vampyre” mythology that is familiar and endlessly popular to today's readers, set within a kung-fu milieu, a burgeoning genre that is only beginning to be tapped. Story cribs liberally from Star Wars, Blade, Twilight and a host of other notable efforts, but there is no reason to hide from such comparisons. The manuscript is sprinkled with humor that references the time period and the genre in a way that winks at the rereader – Lao-Tse and the genesis of the fortune cookie becomes a running joke that entertains throughout. The writing has attitude to spare, and a breezy impertinence that sacrifices historical verisimilitude in order to make the 13th century palatable to today's readers. The action is virtually non-stop, which is key to achieving the suspension of disbelief necessary to draw in the reader. The characters are genuine and relatable, and written to achieve broad appeal.
In terms of further development, three fundamental issues come to mind immediately:
Gio's character arc must be more defined. There should be a definite fear that, in his quest to avenge his father’s murder, Gio will give in to his baser instincts and embrace the Dark Shaolin and his surging vampyric powers. Currently, there are only four brief...