I need a content editor!
My book has been rejected after several full reads at literary agencies. The last rejection came with an explanation: "We, and this is just our opinion only, found the protagonist and the world was unclear and hard to follow. We had trouble rooting for Lin, as we weren't given a complete understanding of her internal and external motivations/goals. We feel that we had trouble understanding what exactly Lin was (species) as well. There was also misunderstanding of what the rules/differences of the two worlds were. Overall, we felt that Lin was a two-dimensional character and the world of the story was underdeveloped, in turn the plot and the other characters felt incomplete."
I want someone who likes YA fantasy to read through my story and determine where I could best put more descriptions and internal monologue to help clarify the protagonist and the world. I have included the query letter and the opening page so that you can determine if it is something you would like to read.
Running away from her problems works for 16-year-old Lin Lee. As a child, she snuck away from an orphanage and found a home in a different world, through a mirror. Lin wants to belong here, where consciousness extends to dreams, and the elements are controlled by four types of human-like creatures who are skilled in playing music, dancing, singing, and sculpting. Yet when a new queen takes Lin's best friend, Maple, to a sentient nightmare fortress for her musical talent, Lin wants to run.
Because Lin is a human and unaffected by the elements, a trait which the new queen wants for help, Lin is the only one able to enter the fortress to save Maple. Guilted by her last fight with Maple, and accusations of cowardice by her blind partner, Patten, Lin changes her name and dons a disguise in order to enter the fortress of ice on a rescue mission.
When Lin finds Maple pregnant, and she discovers that the dark sources of the new queen’s power are an army of kidnapped children and artifacts that will bring the world into a nightmare dreamscape, Lin realizes her role could change the course of the world. She has access to the queen. Yet as the fortress of ice begins to realize that Lin isn’t who she claims, Lin’s desire to run manifests.
INSIDE THE WALLS OF ICE is a 79k word, young adult, dark fantasy novel, planned as the first installment in a series, but can also read as a stand-alone novel. It may appeal to readers who enjoy the atmosphere of SHADOW & BONE or the cast of THRONE OF GLASS.