Children’s Christian Book Illustrator

OK here is the deal. I was making fun of one of my friends and wrote a story about him. It was my humane way of trying to kill him without going to jail. Way to be a loving friend right? My story turned out to be a really good story and everybody told me I should talk to a publisher to get it published. I talked to a traditional publisher about the story and they are interested in publishing it. I have been told this is really rare and proof that this is a good story. But there are catches. The catch one is that I need to take a creative writing class and edit the book. I did this and I really feel like my editing job sucked. The traditional publisher kind of left me in limbo as to what to do about this. Catch two is that I need to write nine more stories that are that good. Which I do not feel like I can do because I wrote the one story by mistake and writing really is not my thing. I have been reading about many rich authors and many of them had their first book published by vanity press or secondary publishing. Just to make sure we are on the same page. A secondary publisher does publish your book for free just like a traditional publisher. However they make you come up with all the operating expenses such as editing and illustrating the book. It will be a small book and I do have a secondary publisher who is interested in the book. I just need a good editor and a good illustrator. I am on a limited budget. So please bid low. But not low to the point that you will not do the best possible job.